Outside
by GeekBastard23
Summary: Gibbs doesn't want to spend Christmas with Tony. No big deal... right? Slash.


**_A/N: Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me._**

* * *

_**Outside**_

Outside it was raining.

Tony sullenly stared out the window, watching the rain pour down in the dim light of the street lamp. His apartment was dark and it reflected Tony's gloomy mood very well. Nothing there indicated that it was Christmas Eve and oddly enough, he he didn't even care that there were no decorations anywhere. He was alone once again as his father wouldn't show up until December 26 this year and his friends were all busy with their families and friends. He wouldn't have particularly minded - he had spent Christmas alone before after all - if it hadn't been for the stupid and tiny little hope that he had harbored for a while until it had been crushed this very morning. He knew that he shouldn't have expected any different, but he still felt stupid that he had even let that small hope bud in the first place.

.

.Flashback.

_Getting the two boxes out of the trunk of his car, Tony couldn't help the slightly cheery feeling that settled in his stomach. He didn't know whether it was the best or worst idea he ever had, but he was willing to find out. He knew that his boss wasn't into the holidays, wasn't usually decorating his place this time of the year, but Tony's mind was long settled about trying to cheer him up. He had spent the last two Christmases with the older man and while neither of those two times had been planned, they were the best ones since Tony had been a little child. The reason why he was at Casa Gibbs now, though, was a different one than the years before. This time he wasn't looking for some advice or another. No, this time, he felt sure that maybe things between them had changed so much that Gibbs would not only tolerate him over Christmas, but maybe actually enjoy having him over._

_Sometimes, when he took the time to actually think about what was actually going on between Gibbs and him, he still couldn't believe that they there now. The last half a year had turned his world upside down and yet nothing much seemed to have changed at the same time. Gibbs was still grumpy and demanding at work, was still giving him head slaps, was still scolding him for goofing off and Tony was pretty sure that nobody had noticed the thing that had changed between them. It had been shortly after Dearing was finally finished off that Gibbs had shown up at Tony's place one night out of the blue. They hadn't talked much that night, had just drunk a couple glasses of bourbon, probably a couple too many and before Tony had known what was happening, Gibbs had kissed him and one thing had led to another. The younger man had expected to freak out afterwards, had expected Gibbs to freak out in the morning, but it just didn't happen. Gibbs had just gotten up in the morning, had ruffled Tony's hair for a short moment and then everything was back to normal. It should have confused him, he should have questioned his very being because if Tony wasn't one thing, it was gay, but he simply hadn't. He had just gone with it and the next hard case had come soon enough and this time it had been him that had shown up at Gibbs' and they pretty much just repeated the night from a couple of weeks previously. Once again, they never talked about it afterwards or the couple of nights after that. They simply didn't need to and while Tony sometimes wondered where this was leading or if it was actually leading somewhere at all, he didn't want to talk about it. Things were good as they were right now and they both sucked at talking about personal stuff, so he just followed Gibbs on the not talking path._

_And things were fine, really. In fact, Tony couldn't remember a time he had ever been happier. He had a great job, had friends that cared about him and a great friend in Gibbs. The fact that they had become friends with incredibly good benefits only made their bond stronger and deeper, but Tony didn't think that he was in love with the man, nor that Gibbs had fallen for him. It was okay how things were and they both knew it. So, why talk about something like that when everything was fine, awesome in fact, for once?_

_He wistfully looked around for a moment, trying to imagine what the house and yard had looked like when Shannon and Kelly had still been alive. Tony was sure that Gibbs hadn't been such a Scrooge back then and had probably happily hung up decorations with Kelly. Smiling to himself, Tony finally walked up towards the front door and entered the silent house._

"_Gibbs?" he shouted as he stepped over the threshold. "Can you give me a hand here?"_

"_DiNozzo?" Gibbs' slightly irritated voice traveled up from the basement and Tony grinned to himself, knowing that he had caught him by surprise for once._

"_No, it's Santa," he shouted back happily, placing the boxes at the floor and then turning around to walk back to his car, where the Christmas tree was still bound to the top._

"_DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked again as he stood by the front door, staring at the younger man in disbelief. "What is this?"_

"_It's called a Christmas tree," Tony replied, wrestling the tree from the roof. "I'm sure you're familiar with the concept?"_

_Tony finally succeeded in getting the tree away from his car and delicately placed it on the ground, changing a glance at Gibbs._

"_Care to help me?" he asked, still smiling, but then stopped dead as he saw the look on Gibbs' face._

_He had seen many expressions on the other man's face in his life, even more so in the last couple of months since the whole thing between them had started, but he had surely never seen that one. Gibbs looked oddly torn, his eyes were somehow brighter than usual, his lips, however, formed a tight line and his brows were furrowed. He wasn't exactly looking mad, but he certainly didn't look happy either._

"_What are you doing?" he finally asked, his voice just as tight as the line his lips were forming._

"_Decorate your house?" Tony said, feeling uncertain all of a sudden. "I know you don't like it, but your dad's coming over and I'm sure you don't want him to scold you for not having anything up, do you? And I know that Franks' girls aren't here this year, either, so I thought you might like some company."_

"_I don't want this, DiNozzo," Gibbs grumbled, making no move to help Tony with the tree._

"_Aw, come on," Tony carried on, forcing himself not to let his annoyance show. "It won't be that bad. Look, I'm already crushed because we don't have snow this year, but Christmas without a tree and some decorations is not acceptable."_

"_Then put them up at your apartment," Gibbs said now, his tone of voice icy all of a sudden and it made Tony drop the act right then._

_He stared at the older man for a minute or two, trying to figure out what he had done wrong to deserve this kind of attitude. He'd spent the last two Christmases with Gibbs and now all of a sudden, his boss didn't want him to anymore? He hadn't done anything wrong for once, he was sure of that, so he just stoically gazed back at him, trying to convey the message that he wasn't going to relent this time._

"_You can't just waltz in here," Gibbs finally spoke again, his eyes looking daggers at him by now. "You're not one of the wives who would just decide to put all that crap."_

_Tony blinked, taken aback and he gulped before he tightened his grip on the tree._

"_I know I'm not, Gibbs," he finally said, hating himself that his voice sounded vulnerable all of a sudden. "But I'm… I've been here the last couple of times. I know I'm not your… whatever, it is that we're doing."_

_Gibbs remained silent at that, just stared right back at him as if he could just make him vanish this way. Tony returned the gaze for a few moments before he realized that he had been wrong. Gibbs quite obviously didn't want him there and even though, Tony had no idea why, he finally shrugged and let the tree fall unceremoniously to the ground._

"_Fine," he said loudly then and was relieved that his voice was strong and determined this time. "Message sent loud and clear, Boss. I'll leave you to your grumpiness and let you wallow in self-pity or loss or whatever it is you like to do so much. Just do that instead of enjoying what you have once in a while. I'll get going then, but don't complain afterwards that Jack was up your case all holiday long."_

_Gibbs looked at him for a moment or two, the torn look back on his face and just when Tony thought he would say something, he visibly shook himself and then turned around and closed the door behind him, leaving Tony standing there, staring after him in disbelief._

"_Merry Christmas, Grinch!" he shouted at the house in general, anger suddenly bubbling up inside of him._

_What the hell was wrong with Gibbs? If he really didn't want him there, why didn't he just tell him? Was it really that hard to open his damn mouth from time to time? It was when the scales fell from his eyes. Of course, Gibbs didn't tell him he wanted to be alone. This was Gibbs, who didn't even talk about something so monumentally big as starting to have sex with his second in command. Just as he was about to follow the other man into the house and apologize for shouting at him in the middle of his front yard, another car pulled up behind him and Jackson got out of a taxi, giving him a fond smile. Tony inwardly sighed, knowing that he had wasted the chance to talk to Gibbs now as he waved at the older man, putting a fake smile on his face._

"_Are you staying this year?" the older Gibbs asked as he shook Tony's hand enthusiastically. _

"_No, sorry," Tony answered, his eyes briefly resting on the abandoned Christmas tree on the ground. "Wanted to, but your son doesn't. So, yeah, good to see you, Jack. Have a merry Christmas."_

"_You, too, Tony," Jack replied, looking slightly confused as he followed Tony's glance. "You sure you can't stay?"_

"_Yeah," Tony gave him a weak smile. "It's okay."_

.Flashback.

.

So, there he was now, sitting alone in his apartment. He had watched "It's a wonderful life", but it hadn't held his attention for long. He didn't even know why he was suddenly feeling so lonely. He hadn't expected Gibbs to be in the Christmas spirit or anything, but he had looked forward to a quiet evening, listening to Jack's stories and laughing at Gibbs' reactions. They had done it before, after all. But the longer Tony stared at the rain outside, the emptier he felt inside. Maybe he had been fooling himself. Maybe this friends-with-benefits thing hadn't been working as smoothly as he had thought. Maybe there _were _feeling there on his side. Maybe he had actually fallen for the man after all because he had rarely ever felt as hurt as when Gibbs had just stared at him that coldly that morning. He didn't know what to do about it, though. Gibbs had made it clear that he didn't want him like that and even though, Tony hadn't meant to put the older man in the situation, he knew that this thing between them would be over really soon.

He felt his gut start churning at the mere thought of it and subtly shook his head. He wouldn't indulge in that particular thought now. It was Christmas Eve, he would not sit there staring at the raindrops outside, wallowing in self-pity – the exact same thing he had accused Gibbs of doing earlier. Sighing and shaking his head at himself, Tony stood up and then went into his bedroom, flipping on the television in there. He was sure that some good action flick would take his mind off Gibbs and his own aching insides.

.

Tony's mind swam into consciousness a couple of hours later when the smell of coffee reached his nostrils. He blinked a couple of times, trying to figure out whether he was still asleep or not, but then heard some rustling in his living room. Automatically reaching for the gun in his nightstand, he quickly made his way across the room and tore open the door. What he saw in his living room, however, made him stop dead in his tracks. The tree he had abandoned in Gibbs' yard the day before was now proudly standing by his window, electric lights and ornaments attached to it. There were mistletoes hanging from the door to his kitchen and there were even a few presents lying under the tree. He looked around the room in wonder until his glance stopped at Jackson, who was grinning broadly at him, a Santa hat on his head. Tony flashed him a smile so wide that he was sure it would split his face apart. Jackson just nodded at him and then let his glance travel towards the kitchen where Gibbs had just appeared, two cups of coffee in his hand. He looked rather uncomfortable in between the Christmas decorations, but he, too, was smiling at Tony, though tentatively.

"What is this?" Tony finally found his voice, glancing around the room again. "I mean… why?"

Gibbs just shrugged, placed the cups on the coffee table, now lopsidedly smiling at him, as if he was glad that Tony hadn't shouted at him for trespassing. Tony subtly shook his head and then approached the tree as he realized that it weren't his ornaments that he had brought to Gibbs' place a day previously that were dangling from the branches of the tree. He looked at them for a moment and realized that those were hand-made. Tony turned towards Gibbs for a short moment and saw the same old uncertainty back on his face again before it dawned on him that these were Gibbs' ornaments – and probably made by Shannon and Kelly.

"Gibbs, why…" Tony trailed off, for once at a loss for words.

Again, Gibbs just shrugged, his eyes finally locking into Tony's. The younger man was just about to continue to talk as Jackson beat him to it.

"What Mr. Grinch here is trying to say," he cleared his throat loudly, ignoring his son's death glare like usually, "is that he's sorry for throwing you out yesterday and that he's done looking for sorrow and wants to be happy."

Tony turned to look at the younger Gibbs and even though, he was still looking rather uncomfortable, he didn't protest. Tony blinked again, trying to make sure that he was actually awake.

"And being happy," Jackson finally continued, apparently realizing that Jethro still wasn't about to start talking. "Apparently includes you, Tony. So, I expect you boys to talk about this, whatever it is exactly. I'm going to go to the shelter to give out those toys Leroy's been making all year. You two talk and I expect a hot cocoa waiting for me when I get back."

With that and a shake of his head, Jackson turned and left the apartment. Tony, however, didn't really pay attention. He was mesmerized by Gibbs' eyes all of a sudden. Just like the day before they were brighter somehow and shimmering ever so slightly.

"Tony," he finally said, his voice quiet.

The younger man, however, just shook his head, smiling at him.

"I don't want to talk about it right now," he said, his voice smooth, even as he tried to get the happiness that was bubbling over under control. "Just tell me… is it true? What Jackson just said? Is it true?"

"Yeah," Gibbs nodded.

"Why now?"

"I don't know, Tony," the older man replied and a slightly annoyed undertone was to be heard now. "I guess Christmas suddenly was even worse without you there. And Jack trying to kick my ass about it didn't help, either, I guess."

Tony let out a laugh and shook his head before he grabbed an abandoned Santa hat from the backrest of his couch.

"Good enough for me," he finally said and then crooked his finger, indicating Gibbs to come closer.

Raising an eyebrow, the older man did just that, a slight smile on his lips by now. Tony placed the hat on Gibbs' head and grinned again.

"That's so much better, Mr. Grinch," he chuckled.

Gibbs snorted, but was still smiling at him. They looked at each other for a moment or two before they both stepped closer at the same time. When their lips touched, it was like they were kissing each other for the very first time. This wasn't about sex, this wasn't even about kissing per se. This was about the future – a future together.

And as much as it should have scared Tony, it simply didn't. It was Christmas Day and no one should worry about anything on Christmas. So, he just let it happen, knowing that they would work it out somehow.

And outside… Outside, it was snowing.


End file.
